Tuesday 3 September 2019

The importance of my personal August 15th


Hey diary,

I was so happy a few days ago because I thought the internal battle that I had been fighting has finally ended and I had triumphed. Yes it is true and I am quite happy but now I am facing the worst phase after a battle.

PTSD...  (post traumatic stress disorder)

This is something you will never ask even for your worst enemies. You will feel like there is a hurricane swirling and whirlpooling the last bits of your sanity. As you will be holding on to your sanity whilst it is getting pulled into the eye of your storm, you will realise suddenly that the hurricane was never there in the first place. It was just a hallucination of your deepest fears mimicking to engulf you as a whole.

The reason of the battle will be the thing you will try your best to avoid throughout your life. Like for me, it was being obsessed by something which was never mine to begin with. It was my own self that failed to come to terms with the fact that it was not meant to be. Self destruction is the worst destruction and I was destroyed beyond repair and i was the sole reason.

My dumb self waited and waited for my order to arrive which I had not even paid for and when the order never arrived at my doorstep, I yelled at the customer care appearing like a madman on the loose.

After several hits, I have come to realise what I am cut out for and love was definitely not on the list. Because love came with expectations and these vile emotions are the cornerstones to all of my problems......

Winning my personal August 15th was just the beginning. Sustaining my August 15th was what was important. As long as I jalbreak from the chains used to tie me up by my own monsters, I will always be the independent and peaceful soul that I have always wanted.







Akankshya Panda

5 comments:

  1. I hope nothing in this world could shackle your dreams and aspirations. More power to you!

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  2. Thanks kush. I am hoping for the same thing but a cat kinda ate away my wet dreams 😂

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    1. I am not disappointed with the cat, I am disappointed with you :/

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    2. Not my fault she catwalked into my room 🙄

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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