Hi diary,
I want to share something with you today. I am probably developing a soft corner for a person. A cute male to be in general. I have been talking to him for a while now and I love his docile and gentle nature, his deep voice, his chubby cheeks and his cute little self. Generally men don't like it when they are called cute but what am I supposed to compliment if his face screams cute?
When my eyes saw him for the first time, they were already processing the image ingraining it to my head. I was supposed to be angry because he was late for the date already. But I don't know I was positively quite calm about this. I am generally the one who is not punctual at all and he was worse than me. The clock in my brain was ticking away and with every minute passing by I was losing it. Being short tempered definitely can be harmful in such cases.
I was quite calm and that was a first. I probably already liked the cute one I was going to meet. But the moment he came and stopped doubtfully staring through his huge-for-his-head helmet, I understood it was him and raised my hand to give him a short wave confirming his doubts. He took off his helmet and my my I definitely had not expected such a good looking simpleton sitting on that bike like the King he was. I was definitely happy after seeing him and my heart skipped a beat. I shook hands and got on his bike and I was already losing myself because this cuteness was too hot to handle.
The more I spent time with him, the more he seemed beautiful to me. It was that inner beauty in him calling out to me like a shewolf to her mate. It would not be a bad idea to fall for such a beautiful person after all. I would love to spend more and more of my time with him.
When I was done with my date, he dropped me at my place and I suddenly didn't want him to leave me and go. I wanted to keep him with me. Tie him up with a rope if he would deny and make him fall for me the way I did. (of course this was my very vivid imagination)
And that was when it all crashed, my inner demons stared at my not-so-pitiful face and laughed while asking me, "Did you forget the last time you fell in love?"
Such a beautiful moment broken like a glass and its shards pricking me mercilessly, my blood oozing from my heart and mind. How could I forget the last time I cried a bloodied ocean for a person who never felt the same?
A totally broken and deranged person like me definitely had no place in the room of love. How could I love another who would probably never love me back? How would I love anyone apart from me in the first place if all I had in my head was endless insecurities and ruthless doubts? What if he never loved me back? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I only saw things in those beautiful eyes which I wanted to see and believe? What if he is so scared of my deranged mind that he runs out of my life like The Road-runner?
I have not healed nor am I healing anytime sooner, I understood that much. Why was it me diary? Why did it have to be me?
The world is a stage and all the people in it are just mere puppets. While the inner alexa wants what it wants and ultimately wins the battle against us.
P. S. Sorry diary you know how much 'Seven ages' by Shakespeare means to me.
Akankshya Panda
No comments:
Post a Comment